Out of Paper

Well, its March 2013. That means Spring will be here in a couple of weeks. I'm ready for some warmer temperatures so the crappie can move into shallow water to drop their eggs and eat minnows on the end of a hook that I supply them with.

I went to Walmart to renew my fishing license and they were out of the necessary receipt paper. I'm done with Walmart until I run out of gear. Once I've snagged all my hooks on rocks and stumps at Talyorsville Lake I will be spiritually ready to forgive Walmart for this outrage.

 

When I go into Walgreen's or CVS for an item I half expect them to not have what I need, but Walmart on the 3RD day of fishing season... fuck that shit!

I also perused the toy section, and although its improved since the end of the Holiday Season, I was not overly impressed.

 

I did get a really good deal on garbage bags and 1 gallon freezer bags while I was there. I got a lot for a little. And that's the name of the game at Walmart. Isn't it? But to not have fishing licenses on the 3RD day of Fishing Season?!? Again, FUCK THAT SHIT!Thankfully, I have a home computer with Internet access and I was able to purchase a KY Fishing Licence (and a trout stamp) on line. The thought crossed my mind to drive to another Walmart location in town, but then this thought crossed my mind: Fuck.That.Shit!

 

Despite my seething hatred for Walmart at this moment, I'm looking forward to a very productive month of early Spring fishing. One nice thing about getting my license online is that I was able to donate 2 bucks to the Fishing in Neighborhoods (FINs) program. The kids and I have thoroughly enjoyed the program and have taken full advantage of all that FINs has to offer. It's a really cool deal unlike the catastrophic inventorial fuck up at Walmart.

Why Can't Everyday Be Christmas?

Spoiling Ben is a breeze and quite enjoyable. He likes all the crap that I liked as a kid. Benny's even got me interested in the Transformers. I primarily go for men in tights when it comes to action figures, but we've got a nice little collection of Robots brewing.

 Max is not as easy to spoil as far as gift giving goes. If he never saw another action figure (or toy) as long as he lived he'd be fine and wouldn't know the difference.

This is difficult for me...

But I'm a grown man of 42 and my love for him transcends even the love I have for Captain Kirk.

This week has been a good week for the younger tot, Ben. He has eight new obscure figures from Mattel's JLU collection and Max did not complain once that he didn't get anything. But I could see a little hurt in his eyes as he watched his brother hold one of the new figures.

So on my way home from work tonight I stopped off and got him these really awesome click-able coloring pencils and a pack of washable glitter glue. When he wakes up Crayola will be waiting for him along with $2.50 cents for his allowance (the kid's job consists of overfeeding the cat daily).

Before I picked out Max's gifts I wandered into the toy isle and saw two awesome Decepticon Jets for 11 bucks a piece. It's. so. hard. to. resist.

But I'm proud to say that I'm not one of those screwed up Fathers that tries to pressure his kids into liking what he likes (except for fishing) or thinking what he thinks. So I walked away from the Transformers and got the art stuff. I know in two and half hours when Max wakes up he's going to be a happy camper.

Besides next week those Decipticon Jets will still be there and I'll find other art supplies to buy Max's affection with.

And once again Max will be happy, Ben will be happy, I'll be happy, and I'll pat myself on the back for being a great dad. My wife Allyson will want to shoot me and as of right now I think I understand why, but by next week I'll have no recollection of the insanity or this blog post. 

January Gym Guy

It's the most dreadful time of year for the Gym Rat. Next week there will be a massive influx of fat people showing up to the gym at all hours of the day. Gym Rat will go to the gym at her usual time only to find January Gym Guy limping on her favorite treadmill.

To begin with, Gym Rat is already in a shitty mood cause she had to park in the grass due to January Gym Guy taking up all the parking spaces that are readily available in February through December. It's fucking cold in January. And although Gym Rat runs 5 miles a day she's not dressed or accustomed to dealing with the arctic wind that she'll have to endure walking from her car to the front desk.

Another thing that's gonna piss Gym Rat off is the fact that January Gym Slob will probably be working out in jeans demonstrating his utter lack of conviction and commitment to getting into shape. This will just rub salt on Gym Rat's wind burned face.

And of course January Gym Guy wont be able to keep his eyes off of Gym Rat. It's bad enough when Gym Rat feels a set of perverted eyes looking her up and down, but in January she'll have an entire room full of slovenly creeps eyeballing her from head to toe and drooling on themselves. It's really unfortunate.

Luckily for Gym Rat the first wave of January Gym Guy will be eliminated from getting into shape contention thanks to the NFL Playoffs. One good weekend of beer, wings, and shitty pizza will  knock off 75 percent of January Gym Guy.

The next 9 percent of January Gym Guy will pull a muscle trying to impress Gym Rat and that will be the end of him until next January.

12 Percent will work out so hard to ensure that the other dudes in the gym don't think he's a pussy. January Gym Guy wont be able to move for a month after the monster workout, but at least he's not a fucking pussy!

2 Percent of January Gym Guy will place a stop payment order on his February dues withdrawal. He can take that shit up with a collection agency.

1 Percent of January Gym Guy will become Aquaman and do nothing but swim at the gym.

That leaves 1 Percent of January Gym Guy and if everything works out according to the master plan Gym Rat might be getting asked out on a date in March.

 

Christmas 2012

Peace and Love.

FARM POND MANIA

Yesterday I spent my birthday fishing in a FARM POND. It was awesome. Today I'm going back to the FARM to do some more POND FISHING. That's the beauty of being on vacation in the middle of NOWHERE, NORTH CAROLINA.

NOWHERE, NORTH CAROLINA is really awesome cause there are tons of FARMS around here with lots of PONDS. I don't know if I was cut out to be a FARMER though. I like the soil, I like the peace, but I'm not very big on working long hours and it seems that when you own a FARM you have to work all day. Fuck that shit!

Also, I'm deathly allergic to hay. I slept in a barn once or twice when I was a kid and it almost killed me.

When I lived in DC there weren't many FARM PONDS, but I did pick up a skill that maybe I could apply out here in NOWHERE, NC. I could stand in front of FARMS with a sign and wait for FARMERS to bring their eggs to the FARMER'S MARKET to see.

The sign would say: HOMELESS & HUNGRY! PLEASE HELP BY LETTING ME FISH ON YOUR POND!

I think the FARMERS out here would appreciate the fact that I wasn't asking them for money to support a really serious corn mash and barley habit.

Some of the Liberals I grew up with in New Jersey would like it out here too despite the fact that New York City isn't 20 minutes and 10 dollars away. Out here in NOWHERE, NC everyone is voting for Obama! I haven't seen one sign for the other freak. Obviously he's anti-FARMER.

Alto, there's plenty of chemically unaltered food, and everyone knows how the Liberal pretends to be such a health consciousnesses eater. It's a major part of the liberal's facade.

Anyway the sun's up and we FARMER WANNABE'S have plenty to do if we're going to make it to FARMER'S MARKET with a basket full of crappie ,buegill, catfish, and bass. See you at supper, Suckers.

Captain Corky's Kin Folk

The first blog I ever wrote was about a woman named Wendi that was possibly my biological sister...

It's confirmed that Wendi is my sister and we connected online in March. Since first contact we've gotten together three times and we text/talk all the time.

Tonight on the Eve of my 42nd Birthday I met my brother Randy in Greensboro, North Carolina. He likes football, fishing, dipping, and beer. I love to fish, love football, I'm hopelessly addicted to dipping, and broke up with that bitch, Alcohol two years ago.

On Tuesday Randy and I are going fishing together. Who could ask anything more for a 42nd birthday gift? Sure beats a fucking nose hair trimmer!

Like I suspected in my previous post, I'm feeling a lot of emotion today. It's been quite a  roller coaster ride... happy, sad, glad, and bad. Why do I feel all these emotions? I don't know. Go Hop on Pop or something.

The bottom line is that I'm really happy. Despite 37 years and change of not knowing Wendi and Randy, the three of us are alot alike. We're all the same brand of crazy. And that's so fucking cool.

In 1984 our biological mother met her tragic end. It's my hope that she got a chance to look in and visit with us today. She would have felt a lot of love, gotten a chance to watch her grandchildren play together, and share ice cream and Captain America Birthday Cake with her 42 year old son.

The adventure is far from over... We have four more brothers to meet-up with some day. I've spoken to one on the phone and came across the mugshot of another on google. Who knows... maybe next October we'll all be in North Carolina eating ice cream and Man of Steele birthday cake. It wouldn't shock me true believers. ;)

Godric's Hollow

Thanks to the kid who provided the picture of Godric's Hollow
http://gold-seven.deviantart.com/art/Godric-s-Hollow-75496165

On Saturday Ben and I will be leaving for North Carolina. I will be returning to the place I was born for the first time since I was adopted at the age of 3. We will be traveling via river, but we'll be swimming down stream so it wont be as rough on us as it is for salmon or Vulcans. Also, I'm not going to NC to spawn. I did that in KY. Twice.

I'm going to meet biological relatives, see the grave of my biological mother, and fish in biological waterways. One of the biological relatives I'm going to meet is my older brother. He's a Cowboy fan so I suspect that he's quite delusional. Never the less, I'm excited to meet him. Apparently he's into Rush (the band not the tool) and likes to fish so he does have a saving grace or two.

Ben and I will be staying with my sister who has planned an entire week of meat and potatoes for my fat ass, so that's cool.

My birthday is on the 22nd and there will be a birthday party on Sunday. That will probably feel surreal. Other emotions I may or may not process include excitement, anxiousness, sorrow, and joy.

Above all else, I suspect I will feel a great amount of gratitude.